rungs of the Railroad Made of my memoriesFeb21 21Hell yes man! I have finished the Project!! It has been a long couple of weeks- I have experienced a feeling that is strange- I will do my best to explain my feeling.. When I work on the projects that are my children, my brain children; there is no stress- there is no worry or fear of expectation ,, pleasing others does not factor into the work, The work is made solely to express something I want to express- visualize a thing into existence- Grind away at it until the flower is bloomed- the crops are grown. I challenge myself to do things with skills I have, or have yet to learn and must embark upon the knowledge to get to where I want to be. That challenge is powerful. The obstacles, I feel fortunate to take on. The difficulty is a battle of the mind and you, me , anyone can overcome any pursuit if they face it with honesty and dedication. Honesty to yourself- be real with yourself. Do not make sure to walk at a baby's pace, but also do not take on something much too large to be tackled at all. You must find that balance by trying, failing, repeating, and coming out the other side with perserverence and a will to fail again. I want the work to be nothing besides the thing it is- I do not want it to stand for something I do not want it to represent something else besides what I made. I just dont care about any B.s.. a lot of times i feel like a stranger in real world,, detached from everything outside my head. like all i care about is inside my head. i do Not mean self relection- kind of like exploring behind the mirror;;;; beyond "me" . beyond "i", there is alleyways tunnels railroad tracks made from memories and experiences and friends, foes, troubles, desires of the past. Things that are not me, but have been collected and packed along for the ride (against my will! no one asked if I wanted to start a memory collection. Now at age 25 it is about the size of a small town's library. someday it will be a large temple). Mix this space, with the ability and the willingness to apply skill to a craft or medium in order to express things. These thoughts above get me very excited to CREATE things!! And be free while I do so. Free to throw the whole thing in the fire if I so choose. I won't... but i could. and there is no consequence. That is freedom and bliss to me. Makes me at ease to think about.  I been thinking a lot about Westerns lately. But ive never seen any of the classic western films that i hear about. If you have a favorite or 1 you could recommend to me, send me an email please. i dont trust imdb ever since they removed the forums (wtf were they thinking) peace-- jack |